I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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