she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
