when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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