...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
