I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
