Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this just has baby written all over it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize