allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
