When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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