Don't you send me to vm
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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