you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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