Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize