i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
