Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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