My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
