It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
