I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize