Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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