ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
