Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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