Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
