she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
