im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
