Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
