I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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