It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize