I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
