I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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