I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
