He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
