Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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