I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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