You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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