wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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