the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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