I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
