YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
