Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize