Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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