HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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