Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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