So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
