I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
