just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
