We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
