Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
