Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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