It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
