Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
