I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize