I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
