Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
