I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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