On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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