Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
