I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize