Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize