I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need a beard to bite.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
