I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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