She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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