just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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