so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
