Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
