so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
