Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
