Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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