I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
