Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
