You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
