dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
