I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
