I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
