Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
