He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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