Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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