Hey man sorry I got all grabby
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
