after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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