yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
