Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
