Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
