i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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