My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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