my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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