haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
