worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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