when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
