she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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