I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
