she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
