i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
this hospital has no fireball
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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