I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
