They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize