3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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