He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
