dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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