Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
