So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
