Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like eating out sand paper
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
