So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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