There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
