On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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